I was thinking recently about what I like in girls and concluded that is it more of an attitude of a girl to me then anything else.
Also things are relative to something else, even if you are smaller than someone you are still bigger than someone else.
For example back in Russia I was not that high or athletic compare to most of my classmates. I had 6 male classmates who are taller and only 2 who are shorter. Some girls were higher than me as well. They all were better than me at physical activity. Similar situation was in Russian Uni, there was plenty of people who were higher and bigger than me. I had one fried who was shorter.
Probably because of that Russian girls did not respected me at all. I did not liked them either, I was profoundly asexual back then.
That whole Russian experience left me with kind of dislike for women, particularly their worst qualities like arrogance and snarkness, what anime describes as tsun (as in tsundere).
That changed when I emigrated. I did not noticed it at first because I was not paying attention to it, but in a new country I was rather taller bigger and even fitter than many people around me. Asian girls particularly liked me and talked a lot about how large my nose was. I kind of liked all that attention, how they all fawned around me. However I did not thought too much as to why they liked me.
Now I think it was because I was so tall and big compared to them. They probably thought that I am as good as Klitschko or Schwarzenegger for them.
That got me interested in Asian girls.
I did not think about it much back then but now I kind of think that western girls fall in between these two extremes.
In many ways my relative shortness by Russian standards and bulling associated with it influenced my personality in more ways than just that. A lot of it still weights down on me even though I have not been in Russia for more than 15 years now.
Now I am closer to Alpha Chad than to Chibinari, but a lot of self-understanding remains from these times.
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