Tuesday, September 5, 2023

My Personal Tragedy and Why I Hate My Dad

Some introspection allowed me to put story of my personal tragedy in much better wording. Summarize it somewhat.

I can relate to tragic characters because I am a tragic person myself. By tragic I mean 'unable to overcome circumstances I do not like'.

It all begun somewhere in early 2000s. My dad and one of his friends got in an argument over how to raise the children. Dad's friend told him that one should amass money and leave children as large of the inheritance as one can. Dad disagreed and decided that he wants his children to make their own money. Sometime in 2006 I think he even told it to me about that and how he expects me to make my own money instead of relying on the inheritance. Idiot possibly got convinced by some lofty stories about self-made billionaires or something.

Because of that instead of having an affluent lifestyle, other Russian kids of rich parents normally have. Children of that dad's friend for example, I got a miserable and impoverished fate. I could not do anything about it, I could not just mind control him into giving me money.

I still and will always hate my dad for that.

Back in the 2006 I was actually not all too concerned, as I thought that my eventual IT job will simply pay for all my lavish tastes anyway. So, there will be no wealth and disposable income disparity, but there will be far less preaching from that idiot as as will simply get money from elsewhere to payroll my lavish tastes. 

After all it does not matter where money come from, what matter is if there is enough to afford what I want.


Present Situation

Thus, it leaves me with present problem. 

I refuse to accept fate of simply leading impoverished life and doing something like cleaning toilets for someone who is simply luckier with their parents that I am.

At the same time, I cannot change my fate and make myself stellar wealthy no matter what I do. My book does not sell well enough. No one gives me high paying jobs and I turn down all that pay too little.

Thus, I stay on the dole, wallow in self-pity and simply wait for some chance to become super-wealthy somehow. 

I sure prefer this to being working poor as my worthless, shit for brain dad had envisioned. If anything, knowing that I do not have a job displeases my parents brings me some modicum of joy. As Ciel, Earl Phantomhive puts it "I would like to inflict upon them the same pain and humiliation they have caused me." Knowing that neither of them approves of it makes me somewhat happy, though not enough to compensate for lack of money and affluence I wish I had.

I do want my wealth back, or simply to have wealth by near any means. The only thing I will not do for it is I will not trade my freedom or my comfort away. No moral or ethical considerations will stop me. I rejected all morals to begin with. My only moral is Master Morality: 'Getting myself whatever I want is the only good and moral thing in the world'. 

Thus, I will just blog like this, watch and jerk off to BDSM porn, play EU IV, write my book and wait for the world to change and give me my money wealth and prosperity.

The sooner my parents die the better, I will sure enjoy dancing on their graves.

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