My Family was like Ushiromiyas from Umineko no Naku Koro ni

 

I think I wrote about it somewhere before, but I could not find it. So, I guess I will write it again.

One thing that made Umineko so relatable to me was the fact that my own family was much like Ushiromiya.

Other fictional families like Simpsons, Griffins or South Park guys are not relatable for me personally. I suppose they were made to be relatable to an average person. May be an average person indeed can find parallels between what happens in Simpsons and in their life. However, for me there are distinct and far.

As for family I grew up it, it had a lot of parallels with Ushiromiyas. The same kind of outward formalism and reputation of respected and affluent family. The same kind of internal politics, squabbles, heated arguments and constant struggle for more power and money. The same kind of rigid rules that prioritize "proper" outwards appearance over substance and actual care and kindness. 

When Umineko characters are introduced in the beginning of the show or visual novel, they are all sweetness and serenity. If you talk to my dad or mom, they will give you the same kind of impression. That is as far as most outsiders do know them.

However, behind closed doors they are as much of psychopathic monsters, as Umineko characters are. Behind polished gentle outward appearance hides, coldness and outright malice. Umineko charcters use their children to advance their claim to be a successor to Kinzo's power and money. I too felt that my parents only had me to advance some political agenda of their own.

Most conversations would end up in heated nerve wreaking arguments. That was a tiring and nerve breaking as what Umineko characters looked like after they finish discussing inheritance issues. I too looked and felt the same way after talking with a dad for some time.

Unrelated to Umineko, but problems with Russian classmates did not make me any more open to people. More than half of my Russian classmates were horrible people who enjoy seeing others suffer. Many of them deliberately targeted me for some reason and that caused me great deal of problems. The remaining half is somewhat better, and I managed to have good relationship with some, but they all had their own various flaws too.

Growing up in a family like that affected me in many ways. It made me more introverted than I was before. After all, if most human interactions cause only pain and stress it's better to not talk to anyone at all.

I am guarded around people because I do not want to get involved with someone who might end up as psychopathic as my family or average classmate. In general, I assume worst in people, not always accurately but it's better to be safe than sorry. 

I prefer video games and anime, because fictional world is safer and easier than real one. 

My love for computers and hardware probably also stems from that. Computers are not people, and they cannot hate. They are predictable too once you get to understand them.

In general, I prefer inanimate things to living things. Once again, they are more predictable and cannot hurt.

Sometimes I do find people I find easy and comfortable to deal with, like Sameer and Tsukasa. However, that only happens occasionally and it's hard to tell what can allow me to befriend someone. With Sameer its likely common interest in tech. With Tsukasa, maybe common misfit image. Not in the sense that they go wild and do crazy stuff, but rather that they are just so out of step with everyone else, that no one gets them, and many perceive as hostile and oppose them.

I personally far too often find myself out of loop and step with society around me. Majority always disagrees with me for some reason. I cannot understand why they think they are right and would not change my own views and ways to fit in. That is a constant experience for me, with my family, with classmates and with most of the outside world. Majority views are abhorrent to me, but I cannot do much about it. All that pushes me towards introverted scholarly life.