Why People Cannot Really Understand Each Other

 

There is this famous saying by Socrates: "I know that I do not know anything, but others do not know even that." It implies that a wise person does understand how much he can possibly know while a stupid one is confident, he knows it all. However, that latter wording is too simplistic and misleading in its own way. It would be incorrect to interpret it as a statement of humbleness or as impossibility to understand anything at all. To explain what it really means I need to deconstruct understanding itself and get into details of what it means to actually understand something.

When you see a person doing something, you often can easily tell what they are doing or why. 

However, is your judgement correct? Do you really understand what they trying to do and why? You cannot look inside their brain and see their thoughts at any given moment. Thus, you cannot really know what they themselves think they are doing. While you do think you have understanding, all you really have is your own interpretation of their action. Your interpretation may be correct, but in many instances it could be incorrect. 

Regardless of whether its correct or not, this interpretation is all you can have. A limit on what you can understand.

Beyond this limit lies a field of actions you cannot understand. Most people would just dismiss such actions senseless or stupid, however, are they? 

For example, place yourself in the place of the person who is doing something you think is stupid. You would likely think you would not do the same thing in their place. Ask yourself if you yourself would do something stupid at any given time. Most likely no. Then why do you think others would do something stupid? Maybe it's not that they are doing something stupid but rather do something that makes sense in their own head, based on their own experience and knowledge. 

Their knowledge, experience and way of thinking could be so different from your own that you think they are stupid. However, for them it would be you who are stupid instead. Just like for you, from their level of knowledge, experience and way of thinking your actions make no sense either. 

This difference in knowledge and experience leads towards actions that are not understood. This is also why people cannot really understand each other. The gap in experience, knowledge and way of thinking can be unreachably high.

That difference here that, a wise person understands that such gap does exists and does not dismiss everyone who is not like them as stupid. A stupid one instead believes he knows everything and dismisses everyone who is not like them as stupid.

That creates a curious paradox where truly wise, aware of limitations of their perception, question everything and try to get to the bottom of things and stupid one has it all figured out.

How People Become This Way

However, how people end up one or the other way. Why some able to become wise and understand more and others become narrowminded. 

The reason for that is that people normally only interact with those who think just like them. After all, why talk to someone who you think is stupid when you can have a few friends who like the same things and agree with you on important things. Different hobbies and such further sort out people into groups that are homogeneous. After all most of the time people have to broadly the same way to like the same things. 

For example, people who like videogames are more likely to come from the same way compared to those who like gym. People who like ocean and beach would have more in common to each other than to those who like wilderness and mountains instead. Such difference in tastes would lead towards self-segregation into interests' community. People on the beach would all agree that beach is awesome and those who go to mountains are stupid. People in mountains would all agree that mountains are awesome and those who go to the beach are stupid. 

However, in addition to just beach vs mountains people on each location are also likely to agree on other unrelated to beach or mountains things. For example, on what food they prefer or even what type of women they like. Thus, when everyone around them agrees with their tastes it is too easy for them to just assume everyone things the same way. Thus, everyone on the beach would think everyone likes one type of food and everyone in mountains would think everyone instead likes something else. If they by accident would stumble upon someone who disagrees, then they would likely just dismiss it instead of realizing that would is bigger that their small community and there is much more difference in opinion.

The longer they stay in such echo chamber, the more they would become convinced that everyone is on board with their views. However common interest keeps people together, closing them further and further in their own echo chamber. 

With that people in Vaucluse think that everyone wants lower taxes. Because everyone in Vaucluse is rich, pay for private schools and do not rely on stuff paid by government, they think this is the opinion of majority. They think only drug addicts are on dole, because in Vaucluse there are no other types of people on dole. In the rest of the country however there are.

In contrast people in Inala all want more government spending because they all rely on stuff paid by government. They too think that their opinion is that of majority and all, but few billionaires use free stuff provided by government. In Inala they sure do not see a single person who does not use such things.

My Personal Experience

However, how did I become such a wise all-seeing person, who sees it all from his bird eye view. The reason for that is that I was always a one out outcast. 

In family I was often the one guy who disagreed with everyone else. I never really understood why my parents and brother liked things they liked. They of course never understood me either. Arguments over things became a never-ending quagmire. 

It was the same in Russian school, other kids were doing things I could not really understand. Often, they were hostile to me from the start, and I kept my distance as well. I would sometimes interact with other loner outcasts such as myself.

Such experience eventually led me to see the perception bubbles people live in. They live within their own circle, follow their own rules that make sense only within this circle. However, their next door there is a different group in a different perception bubble with a different set of rules who is doing completely different thing for different reasons altogether. These bubbles just exist there in parallel with each other, only occasionally impinging on each other's space.

Despite all that I never quite found a place for myself. I kept being an outsider everywhere and just observed things from a distance. I guess that is partly because I am so individualistic. 

I did however meet a few people that could offer me something interesting. I often had a different opinion of them compared to everyone else, because when I talked to them, they were much different people compare to how majority saw them. That too allowed me to understand that people are often not what they seem to be, they have an inner true self that is different from their public facade.